Nothing is Good or Bad but Thinking Makes it So!

As Shakespeare said, “Nothing is good or bad but thinking makes it so.” If I may be so bold, I would like to expand upon this point. “Nothing is good or bad but believing makes it so.” What we choose to think about or focus on actually creates a vibration. This vibration is what each of us radiates into the world. That force is magnetic. But it is what we deeply believe that creates what we manifest into the world of our perception. This is a fine point but one to explore if we want to live our lives more consciously.

Our habitual thoughts constitute most of what moves through our minds. The continuous entertaining of these thoughts creates a vibration. It is this vibration which creates what we experience as the circumstances of our lives. It seems to be the other way around. That is, we think we feel a certain way because of our experiences. Situations we encounter seem to be happening to us or caused by others or larger forces. However, the truth is that it is our vibration that creates the circumstances we experience. Or, at the very least, our perception of the circumstances we experience. Often times, we are cultivating thoughts or engaging in thought patterns quite unconsciously. We are generally unaware of what’s really making us feel the way we are feeling. As a result, we feel justified in blaming the outside world when we don’t like what we are feeling. These thoughts arise in us from the conditioning, which formed early on and continues to imprint until we become conscious of it. Making a change is really not so simple until we become aware of the beliefs we have that are causing our world to seem as it is.

As painful as it can be to my ego, I love it when some aspect of my conditioning gets exposed and I become conscious of it. An example of this occurred recently as I was teaching one of my tai chi classes. My classes tend to be filled with chatter and laughter during our warm-up period until we begin our tai chi set. This particular Saturday morning was particularly chatty. As it was the day after the 4th of July, I was dealing with the aftereffects of a couple of glasses of champagne and a margarita or two. When I am compromised physically, my ego jumps on the opportunity to take control of me and whip me around a bit.

This particular morning my ego, which occasionally hops on the belief that I am not properly listened to, (as a result of my beloved dad often interrupting me in mid-sentence to say something unrelated) reared it’s unappealing head and lashed out at these delightful people who were just having a good time enjoying one another. The thoughts passed and cleared while I was doing my tai chi set, but came back later with a vengeance when my partner Steve mentioned how I had lost my cool. My mind conjured up many reasons why what I was feeling was not only accurate, but good for me to express! I knew by the feeling in my gut, that something was not quite right. But try as I might to “just feel my feelings,” the righteousness remained. So, I decided to give it some time and see what was up.

The next morning I woke up with the thought, “My class was just having a good time, laughing, loving, and enjoying themselves.” My heart softened and I realized on a feeling level that my ego was suffering from that old belief that I was not worth listening to. That little girl who felt what she had to say was not important enough for people to make space to hear was crying out.

As compassion arose for her and I gave her the ear she needed, a feeling of release and acceptance arose in me, for me and for the others. I realized that no one was trying to make me feel bad. No one ever is. We are all just doing our best trying to enjoy ourselves.

When I become conscious of the conditioning and let it dissolve by allowing the feelings to be felt just as they are without the need for them to go away, they do melt away and I am left with the more conscious belief that the most important thing we give and receive from one another, whether we are teachers or students or friends or family, is our vibration.

I’m thankful for the opportunity to explore that bit of conditioning again. It’s like peeling an onion to get to the core. Every time I become conscious of these unpleasant beliefs which cause suffering, by opening to the realization that nothing is caused by the outside world but rather by my belief about it, I become a little more at peace and a little more the master, a little less the slave to that part of me which is constructed and not real.

To me and to my students, I say: I’m sorry, forgive me, thank you,
I love you. Now chat away!

Can We Ever Truly Be Satisfied In A Relationship?

What we truly want is to become Authentically Ourselves--to live in awareness of our True Self. To discover who we truly are is our purpose in life. The ego always wants what it doesn’t have. That’s its nature. That’s how it stays in control. It keeps us always searching for something better. Satisfaction never comes from anything outside ourselves, it starts from within and then we attract from that place satisfying experiences. We will always have issues with others until we resolve our own issues. Then and only then will we be open to truly satisfying relationships. Others irritate us only if we are expecting them to make us happy. We bring into our lives our own joy. No one gives it to us.

Everything changes moment by moment and to practice loving what is, to just accept things as we see them, begins to soften the stranglehold of the ego. What we practice is what we get. If we keep practicing being dissatisfied with others we will keep attracting others with whom to be dissatisfied. If we practice acceptance then we start to attract people who resonate with us on a deeper level--those who are easy to accept. Practicing acceptance of what is brings us into authenticity. When we begin to truly love ourselves and are not “in need” we will attract a truly satisfying relationship. Then we will know it is what we want.

ASKING THE UNIVERSE

While dining at my friend’s house recently, I expressed how happy I was that a family reunion to celebrate our mother's birthday went so smoothly and lovingly. I mentioned to my friend that I had concerns prior to the reunion because my mother and sister have had a long history of disharmony and suffering. My reluctance to go had heightened when I noticed my sister, who had come to my house two days prior to the reunion, was still harboring some resentment toward our mother. I told my friend that the night before going to our mother’s house, I informed my sister that if she still felt angry toward our mom that I would prefer to let her go alone and that I would celebrate next week with mom. Then upon retiring, I asked the Universe to bring about a cleansing between my mom and sister, (Ho'oponopono). Voila! the next morning, my sister (after having read from Byron Katie's book "Loving What Is") woke up with a realization that she could just drop the story and let it all go. My friend replied, “Jarl, that was you, you did that, not the Universe." I explained to her that I realize the Universe and I are one and the same, yet I prefer to say, “the Universe did it” so my ego does not attach to the “miracle” and trip out. This way I feel gratitude rather than pride. I was not quite sure that we were actually saying the same thing, although we kept saying the same thing, like, “You are the Universe, I am the Universe." So, for my own sake and for the sake of clarity, (a glass of wine or two had us all talking at once.) I would like to explain what I meant.

When I say, "the Universe and I are one and the same", I mean that, prior to and including the conditioning that I have gathered since birth, I am the Universe experiencing itself as a Jarl. This very unique conditioning which has layered itself upon the Truth of who I Am, has been so intriguing that I have become identified with it, as it. This identification as I see it, is a very necessary and unavoidable step in the process of awakening. In order to "Know Thyself", it is necessary to separate or step out of the Self to see the Self. This separation and subsequent reunion seems to me the purpose of life. I view life as the One Life Power individuating into seemingly separate entities, "us”, in order to experience itself. Our individual lives mirror that process in order to experience the Truth of who we are: the One Life Power having an experience of Itself.

We are two, the ego/conditioned self and the True Self, until we awaken to the Truth of our Oneness. The yin/yang symbol gives a visual image of this concept. The outer circle represents the whole, the Truth. The two equal sides represented by black and white with the opposite found within each side, demonstrates the existence of the polarities. In order to describe or label anything, we must have an opposite with which to compare. To have black, there must be white. To have male, there must be female. To have wrong, there must be right, to have goodness, there must be the bad, and on it goes. Within this polarity we live our lives and experience our preferences. I like this I don’t like that, etc. We become identified with these preferences as who we are. This identification, being polarized on one side or the other, is what causes our suffering. The True Self exists as the outer ring of the circle. That is, it encompasses the whole and resides in the balance, the curvy line in between, being aware of the poles and yet not identified with either, just enjoying the interplay. When we think something is bad or good, wrong or right, etc. we are polarized on one side or the other, out of balance, and out of Truth. I’m not saying this is wrong, it’s life as we live it, just not the Truth, not the whole picture.

When I see something as out of harmony, as I did my sister and mother, I’m seeing from my conditioned ego, which has its preferences and judgments. When what I see causes me suffering, I know I am out of alignment with Truth and coming from my ego. If I desire to see it from Truth and get out of the suffering, I ask the Universe, my True Self (Me) to align the ego-identified self (me) with Truth. That’s when the “miracle” happens and I see harmony, joy, love and peace.

I am the one who is asking and I am the one who is asked, and yet to acknowledge the two, the separation, brings me from ego-identification into the awareness of the ONE-ness. It works for me.

What do I do with these thoughts, pretend they don't exist?

Valencia asks: I have been practicing positive thinking and exploring opportunities for change and have been doing better with giving up control and having faith that the universe will provide. However, today I realized that although I am making progress I feel in danger of failing because of the negative thoughts about financial disaster that are beginning to haunt me. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do. Pretend these thoughts don't exist? Put more time into meditation?

Jarl Says: It is great that you are in this place because it is an opportunity for you to explore feelings that have surfaced which are in the way of you having what you desire. These fear feelings have to be acknowledged and seen for what they truly are, the ego trying to keep you identified with it. When you see these feelings for what they are and choose to cultivate thoughts that are in alignment with what you really desire, you come into alignment with your Authentic Self. That Self is always in peace and in joy. Please don't cultivate the worry thoughts, it never ever does any good, it only reinforces your subconscious mind to keep creating situations to bring you more fear.

I came across the Japanese word for fear, "osore", in an article written by Yasuhiko Genku Kimura, the founder of Vision In Action. He says, "Osore signifies the misalignment of the self of the individual with the Self of the universe. "O" denotes the sacred thread that connects one’s soul with the Oversoul of the universe, while "sore" denotes the state of disconnection or dislocation from and misalignment with that sacred thread. Osore therefore signifies the errant mode of being wherein one’s soul has gone astray, having lost the original connection and alignment with the Oversoul of the universe."

That really says it! Just know that when you are feeling fearful, you are out of alignment with the sacred thread that supports your every move whether you are aware of it or not. We (the egoic part of us identified with our conditioning who thinks we are separate from others) are truly not the doers! We are being done through. The ego just loves to narrate everything and say it is doing it. Years ago, I had the opportunity to consciously experiment with what it would be like if I dropped all notions of what I "should" be doing and see what it would be like to actually live as if I were not the doer. I consciously stopped "doing" my life. I mean really from moment to moment just watched what I was "moved" to do, no plans, other than the prior commitments like classes, no strategies, just letting myself be moved by whatever moves me. I started out just sitting until something moved me. Within no time, I had to get up and pee, so I did. Then the phone rang and someone asked me to come over and do something. So I did. Then it was time to go. I got in the car and just watched where I was, in the moment, moved to turn...I can't tell you how busy I became just doing what I was moved to do. That is when my design business started. I had no plan for that or even any idea or notion of it. It just happened and keeps going without my doing anything other than what I'm asked to do or moved to do, in the moment. And life is doing me in the way that is in alignment with my inner nature. I'm doing everything right now that I love to do. Nothing more. My weekly "obligations" are completely in alignment with what I love to do. I say yes to something if it feels right to me, and no to what doesn't feel right. I keep my word easily that way. Because, what I'm doing is what I want to be doing, I feel like a "time millionaire". My work and play are all the same.

The key is: trust in the moment which always has all the information you need, follow your hearts desire, and keep those fear thoughts in check. Tell them, "thanks for sharing, Bubeye!"

Ego versus True Self

Valencia: I think my ego is telling me that I shouldn't even bother to create anything that isn't original and genius. Why do I have so much invested in being a genius? Why can't I just be who I am and enjoy that? Sometimes I am a genius, sometimes I am a fool. That's the truth of it. My ego seems to be telling me I am never good enough, never good enough, never good enough. That belief drains me and stops me from doing things that will refresh my soul so it's a vicious cycle. I think my ego has had too much power and has been sucking my energy badly for years. It's just a matter of balance I think...I need to find a healthier balance of power with my ego.
Can I stop thinking that I need to do something bigger and more profound? I can hear you say, just let that go?. I would like to. You know, I think my ego has been zapping my energy and making my soul sick!

Jarlsays: As far as your ego goes, there is no healthy balance, YOU ARE THE MASTER OF YOUR EGO AND THAT'S THAT. There can't be balance. That's like saying you need to balance out the power structure between you and your dog. You are the boss! The ego is your servant. Tell it so. The ego wants to control and will go to any lengths to stay in control. It usually resorts to scaring and shaming you. Not because it's bad, that's just it's nature. The ego is right about one thing: when you are identified with it, you are not a genius. YOU have to tell it how to behave. No deals. Just kick it's ass into shape. Tell it "thanks for sharing, now go to sleep while I handle this with the big guns" Then ask your True Self to send you genius ideas and create from that place.

We are all geniuses in truth because we are all connected to Divine Intelligence and that's where genius comes from. The only true genius is Divinely Inspired. I turn everything over to the Big Kahuna before I create anything. I can never create anything cool from my little self. As soon as the ego steps in, I get stupid. When you know you are not the creator, that the creation is just coming through you, it takes all the pressure off and you are just totally grateful and graceful, neither ego tripping nor ego identified. The ego is a very uncreative little twit, although clever. Any great master will say they were just the channel for the work to come through. Keep turning it over to your True Self and watch the difference.

The ego is really a much happier camper when you keep it under control. Just like a kid needs to know the boundaries....so does the ego. That's what the whole "surrender" idea is all about. It's surrendering the ego (small self) to the True Self. The ego thinks it knows everything, but is fearful. That's how you know you are in it's grips. The True Self experience is when you feel joy, gratitude, love and trust. It takes practice to stay in the experience of the True Self. It's a continual surrendering and feels weird at first. But, I swear to you, it is far more fabulous to live a surrendered life than the fearful, small life of the mini me.
Ok girlfriend? Love you, Jarl