The Hamster Wheel of Desire

Desire is a concept, which has fascinated me over the years. Some say desire is a distraction, always pulling our attention from the present into the future. Others say it is a necessary motivating force in evolutionary advancement.

I’ve learned that there are two kinds of desires: needs and wants. A need is a “true” desire based on what we need to live, and a want is a “borrowed” desire based usually on what we see others having, and on what we think would impress others.

Years ago I taught a series of workshops in creative visualization. As I watched myself and others manifest our wants and needs, I noticed something, which felt unsatisfying inside. No matter how much I manifested, there was always another desire following close behind the last, beckoning me to focus on it. I seemed to be more in a state of want, rather than one of satisfaction. I found myself worrying if I was visualizing the right things. Should I be visualizing something more grand or more noble. I found it a bit stressful. That’s when I heard of an interesting study conducted with subjects who had experienced either a tragedy, such as losing a limb, or a fortuitous windfall, such as winning the lottery. Interestingly, they found that after two years, both types returned to the same emotional setting they were at when the accident or boon occurred. It seems we have an emotional thermostat, which is set at a particular range based on our conditioning. Although, we may temporarily experience greater highs or deeper lows, our thermostat is basically set and will return to its comfortable setting. That is unless one consciously works at changing it.

When I was younger I had somewhat of a victim consciousness. Someone or something was always causing a slight irritation in my life. It was my story to tell and I loved my stories. I got attention when I told them. I could easily get others to agree with me that the other was wrong and I was right and that whatever it was, it shouldn’t be happening. It gave me a clear sense of where I left off and the “other” began. No matter what happened, I was always in this emotional state of “things are fine, BUT.” When I came to realize that my big “But” and my sense of being slightly victimized by people and circumstances were causing the irritation, I set out to change it. I also saw that my way of interpreting what was happening was keeping my emotional setting at the familiar yet unsatisfying position. As I became more conscious and watched myself in action, I developed more skill at stopping the “BUT” when it came up, and of dealing with my projections of others when I started to blame out instead of look within.

I also realized that satisfaction is something that comes from within rather than from any person, place or thing on the outside. It's a decision I make to be in desire or in satisfaction. Spending time on wants rather than on needs keeps me in a never ending ride on the hamster wheel of desire. Now when I focus on gratitude for what I have, and work to maintain a feeling of satisfaction for what is in the moment, existence brings me whatever I need. Interestingly, whatever I need is also what I want.

Attitude of Gratitude

"Desire and Gratitude can never co-exist. When you feel one desire after another, it means that you are not living with gratitude. When you live with gratitude, you can never have any desires. When you live with gratitude, whatever is given to you will simply fulfill whatever you need at that moment, that’s all. Even before you ask, you will be given, so there will be no question of asking."

Nithyandana, from his book Guaranteed Solutions.

Desire

Desire has gotten a bad rap in some spiritual and religious traditions. Renunciation and asceticism are held in high regard in many Eastern and some Western schools of thought. In my opinion, this perspective misses the mark. I see desire as a pull toward evolution from the Higher Self. The problem comes when the ego attaches itself and filters the desire to put it’s own spin on it. It is this spin that sometimes takes us down roads that are not for the highest purpose or well being of all involved. The ego, which is our personality or separate sense of self, is made up of our perception of all of the experiences we have had since birth. These perceptions have been influenced by our parent's and other authority figure's perceptions. Their perceptions have been influenced by their parents.....and on it goes.

When a desire is felt, the mind attaches an object or action of fulfillment to it. Right thinking and right action suggest that we take a look to see if that object or action is in alignment with truth. We must ask: Is it for the highest purpose of all involved as far as I can know? Will the fulfillment harm anyone, physically or emotionally? Does the fulfillment or action come from integrity? Can I be truthful? If the answer is not a resounding and unconditional yes, it is probably not the path to pursue. On the other hand, if our desires and their fulfillment are in alignment with truth, we are probably coming from a place grounded in alignment with our Higher Selves.

To stay in peace, harmony and joy, we must learn to surrender our desires when we know the outcome would not bring fulfillment and joy for all, or we may suffer the consequence of bringing pain on ourselves and others. When we find our desire is out of alignment with our Higher Selves, for instance, we know or suspect it will cause suffering in ourselves or others, and we still feel a craving desire for that which is out of alignment, it is time to surrender the fulfillment of the desire to our Higher Selves. We can ask our Higher Selves to fulfill in us, our desire in such a way as to bring satisfaction, and peace and harmony for all. This means letting go of the desired results showing up or looking the way we think they should and trusting that the Higher Self has something better in mind.

When I was married, my desire to keep my marriage and family together, in spite of resistance from my husband, was so strong that I was willing to try and keep it together at all costs. As a result of my early childhood experiences growing up in a "broken home", I was ignoring the emotional and mental costs that staying together were actually accruing. When I finally realized that I was ignoring all the destructive signs, I let go. I let go and asked the Universe to bring us into our "right" relationship. What followed when I finally let go and trusted the Universe, truly amazed me. My life went into an effortless flow of events that I personally could have never imagined, created or arranged. It has continued on ever since bringing my life into alignment with my deepest desires. I found out that I didn't have to give up my relationship with my daughter's father, it just needed changing. We are both in relationships which are far more suited to our individual natures, much happier and all friends.

Our Higher Self is available and as close to us as our very breath. When we tune in to our breath and sincerely ask to be brought into alignment with our Highest Purpose toward evolution and deeper fulfillment, our answer comes in the speed relative to the sincerity of our surrender. For every desire, we can ask for the fulfillment to come about for the highest purpose of all involved. When we are living our lives in alignment with Truth or our True Selves, life becomes an effortless, joyful and miraculous ride.