Valencia: I think my ego is telling me that I shouldn't even bother to create anything that isn't original and genius. Why do I have so much invested in being a genius? Why can't I just be who I am and enjoy that? Sometimes I am a genius, sometimes I am a fool. That's the truth of it. My ego seems to be telling me I am never good enough, never good enough, never good enough. That belief drains me and stops me from doing things that will refresh my soul so it's a vicious cycle. I think my ego has had too much power and has been sucking my energy badly for years. It's just a matter of balance I think...I need to find a healthier balance of power with my ego.
Can I stop thinking that I need to do something bigger and more profound? I can hear you say, just let that go?. I would like to. You know, I think my ego has been zapping my energy and making my soul sick!
Jarlsays: As far as your ego goes, there is no healthy balance, YOU ARE THE MASTER OF YOUR EGO AND THAT'S THAT. There can't be balance. That's like saying you need to balance out the power structure between you and your dog. You are the boss! The ego is your servant. Tell it so. The ego wants to control and will go to any lengths to stay in control. It usually resorts to scaring and shaming you. Not because it's bad, that's just it's nature. The ego is right about one thing: when you are identified with it, you are not a genius. YOU have to tell it how to behave. No deals. Just kick it's ass into shape. Tell it "thanks for sharing, now go to sleep while I handle this with the big guns" Then ask your True Self to send you genius ideas and create from that place.
We are all geniuses in truth because we are all connected to Divine Intelligence and that's where genius comes from. The only true genius is Divinely Inspired. I turn everything over to the Big Kahuna before I create anything. I can never create anything cool from my little self. As soon as the ego steps in, I get stupid. When you know you are not the creator, that the creation is just coming through you, it takes all the pressure off and you are just totally grateful and graceful, neither ego tripping nor ego identified. The ego is a very uncreative little twit, although clever. Any great master will say they were just the channel for the work to come through. Keep turning it over to your True Self and watch the difference.
The ego is really a much happier camper when you keep it under control. Just like a kid needs to know the boundaries....so does the ego. That's what the whole "surrender" idea is all about. It's surrendering the ego (small self) to the True Self. The ego thinks it knows everything, but is fearful. That's how you know you are in it's grips. The True Self experience is when you feel joy, gratitude, love and trust. It takes practice to stay in the experience of the True Self. It's a continual surrendering and feels weird at first. But, I swear to you, it is far more fabulous to live a surrendered life than the fearful, small life of the mini me.
Ok girlfriend? Love you, Jarl
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Thank you Jarl. You perspective is interesting and helpful as always. I laughed out loud to see you call the ego "an uncreative little twit, though clever." And just to let you know, as I have been practicing surrender, I have been experiencing less anxiety, but it wasn't until this post that I realized that surrender was about "surrending the ego (small self) to the True Self." I knew that I was surrendering control but did not equate that with my ego; I understand surrender better now and can do it when I put my mind to it but it remains a challenge to live in this state continuously. I guess that is why they call it "spiritual practice."
Forever thankful,
Valentina
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