Whatever is going on in our lives is exactly what’s suppose to be going on in our lives, exactly as it is going on. If it is something we don’t like, we may complain and feel victimized or get angry and lash out. That rarely does anyone any good. There is no alternate reality from which the current one has deviated. This is it, baby, like it or not. This may sound harsh, insensitive and even fatalistic, but the truth is, if you wish to accept the challenge and gift the present has to offer, it’s incredibly empowering. Far from being “mission impossible” as some of our challenges may seem, what we are given is just what is in the way of our next leap in personal growth or personal evolution. Were these challenges not arising at this time, we would not have the opportunity to overcome and step up to our new level of being.
A friend of mine was expressing her resentment at her sister for “dumping” a responsibility on her that she felt belonged to her sister. She was angry because her sister was lollygagging around the world unconcerned and in avoidance of a situation she had indirectly created. As I listened to her tell her story, it was so very obvious to me that the situation was just as it should be. I could see that my friend would do a much better job of the task at hand. After hearing a little history, it was clear that the sister, although doing the best she could do at the time, had made a pretty big mess out of things as they were. My friend, in a moment of clarity, had actually volunteered to step in and help out in the situation. It was working out well, although she was resenting it. I told her that the only thing that was out of order was her feelings of resentment. “The situation is working fine, you volunteered and are enjoying handling it, and all is well right now. Your resentment will be felt subconsciously if not consciously and that will have a negative affect. Let go of thinking it should be other than it is, be grateful for the opportunity to help, and recognize when you’ve done all you can do then release yourself.” I said. She took my words to heart and realized she was causing her own suffering and decided to let it go. She called later and told me a big weight had been lifted off her shoulders. The weight wasn’t the responsibility; it was her resentment of it.
When I notice an uncomfortable pattern showing up in my life, I know it is time to work on “that one”. Something that is “up” for me right now is my “issue” of not feeling listened to or seen. My parents were both on the slightly unhealthy side of the narcissism continuum and were quite a bit more interested in what they had to say or with what they were feeling or doing than with anything that may have been going on in my life or mind. As a matter of fact, they knew very little about what was really going on in my life. (I must say, I liked that just a little bit. But, it didn’t do much for my feeling “seen and heard”). I have to give them credit here for not pushing their agenda on me as some parents do. I was just fine as far as they were concerned. They wanted me to be happy and gave me much freedom in choosing my path. It’s just that they weren’t all that interested in my path because they were so caught up in their own. I remember times when I would be talking with my dad and he would break into the middle of my sentence and begin his as if I hadn’t even been speaking. Or my mom, when I told her I was hired as dance instructor after having danced my whole life and assisted teaching tai chi on TV said, “Oh, will they accept just anyone?” Whew! Where had she been? Certainly not paying attention to my life.
A few days ago I asked one of my tai chi classes of nearly 20 people to read my most recent blog. I told them it was an interesting story of a former student of mine whom they all knew. They cried out “no, tell us now, we don’t want to have to read your blog, we don’t have time.” I know that nothing is ever to be taken personally, but I must admit, my feelings were hurt. They didn’t want to check out my blog? At first my thoughts ran something like this: “cikerifmmfked, what am I doing with this group who couldn’t care less about something I am so enjoying doing and doing partly for them.” Then I remembered. They are my teachers pointing out something I need to look at. And then the “Aha, I’ve felt this feeling before” came. My thoughts turned to gratitude and I saw them through different eyes. Instead of blaming them for the way I felt and nursing my wounds, I came home from class and wrote in my journal about how I would like people to relate to me. I have learned to focus on what I want in situations like these rather than on how hurt I feel. I let go of any negative feelings and opened up to feelings of empowerment. I get to choose what I want in life and affirm it. Having, first become consciously aware of my feelings and then, asked, I now expect to see people showing up in my life more in alignment with what I want rather then what I’ve been condition to expect. It’s all good and just perfect!