The Secret

There is much ado about the newly released book and film “The Secret.” It’s been discussed on Oprah and even Larry King Live. There’s flack coming from all angles, from those who think the concept is ridiculous, those who have experienced it as true but think it has been explained it in a crass way, to those who are enlightened and know we are not the doers. The concept is this: We can create our reality by our thoughts.

When misunderstood, this concept can definitely rile people who are not living life to their satisfaction or those who have a major illness or a particular difficulty for which they don’t want to be made to feel responsible. They look at the notion as if it is saying they are guilty for not creating better and so they reject the whole idea. This is an unfortunate misunderstanding for this concept is meant to empower, which it does when applied correctly, not foster victim thinking.

There are those seekers who are looking for “the secret” which will change life into a perfectly pleasant experience. This can present a problem because there is a lot of conditioning in the way of our getting what we think we would want if we had it, which is why we don’t have it. This conditioning can be pretty thick and resistant to superficial changes.

There are those who are perhaps more enlightened who reject it because they know “the Truth” that we are not the “doer”, that life is being lived through us and the aspect of the self who we think we are, the ego, is just narrating the experience all along the way as if it were doing it and is the one causing all the problems. Their advice is to stop believing the mind and enjoy it all. This is a little tough without some technology to help drop the story. Byron Katie's work comes in handy here.

Personally, I liked “The Secret” and, I can understand all the criticism. I remember 30 years ago when I first heard the concept that we create our own reality. I hated it until I worked and worked to prove it wrong, only to prove it was right. At the time, that was a wonderful discovery for me, although, it took many years for me to really believe that each time something I asked for came to be, it was not just a fluke. I finally started to believe. Then, after many more years, I got tired of “creating my own reality” and frustrated with the parts that were not changing so easily. No matter how much I got what I asked for, there was always another want around the corner. It felt like too much work. Then, I had the experience of my first surrender. Ahhhh. That is living and in my opinion, the real Secret! Surrender! The Universe does it so much better than I can ever imagine. It’s fun to dream and think up possibilities but I must say, the Universe comes up with such cooler realities when I just get out of the way. I still ask, as if I am a co-creator and maybe I am. I always ask for what I want or something better, for the highest purpose of all involved. Then I let go and see if what I had in mind comes at all close to what the Universe has in store for me. It’s usually in close alignment, but way cooler. I am after all, creating from a smaller viewpoint

I agree with those enlightened folks who say we are not doing it. But I don’t think I would have gotten to the point of turning my challenges over to the Universe had I not gone through the different stages. Is that true? I can’t know that it is. It was just my way. Enlightenment is a moment by moment thing. It comes to some in an instant and perhaps stays. It comes to others as a gradual awakening. To those of us who are taking the gradual path, "The Secret" is a good beginning. Just don't get caught there.

Colin Tipping, founder of Radical Forgiveness wrote a blog on “The Secret”. Following is a response I wrote to his blog.


Dear Colin,
I really like your work of Radical Forgiveness. In your blog about "The Secret" you say, "It’s all about us.... Without there being anything approaching a self-transcending mission there is a complete lack of any real notion of helping others."

I have a few thoughts on that point. One is that, only our egos "think" there is a need to "help" others, or that we could know what it is another soul would need in order to evolve along their path. To think that something "should" be different than it is, is to be out of alignment with Truth, or what is. That is not to say that one would never be moved to help another, but that movement would arise spontaneously if it were coming from Source rather than ego. My second thought regards the quest for personal satisfaction of material needs attainment. This, in my experience, is a necessary beginning step in the process of spiritual development moving toward surrender to Source. One must have the truly personal experiences over and over again to realize it is not a "fluke" to "ask and receive". When one continuously has that experience of asking for their preference, letting go of attachment to the result showing up as they think it should or as they want it, and being willing to receive in what ever way Source or the Universe, or God, (whatever one prefers to call the Beneficent Force) wants to give it, then we find, over and over that this Force knows so much better than we personally do, what it is we are truly wanting and gives it to us in that way. This leads to trust, gratitude and surrender. It is something that must be tried and experienced over and over again. "The Secret" is recommending starting at the beginning as I see it. Those who are ready will try it. Those who are not ready, will scoff at it until they are ready. We can't force evolution in others as much as our egos would like to.

Thanks for all your work. I really appreciate it.
Jarl Forsman

The Om' Aha Coincidence

Last week, Steve and I were in Omaha, Nebraska on our way to Lincoln to help move his grandmother into an assisted living apartment. While planning our trip we decided to stay a couple of days in Omaha because I had never been there. I figured that, with a name that "begins with a mantra and ends with enlightenment or at least a laugh", Omaha might be an interesting place to visit.

On our first day, we decide to walk around “The Old Market” district. We wander in and out of the wonderfully renovated old brick buildings into boutiques with whimsical arts and crafts, spiritual bookstores and galleries where we have an inspiring conversation with a local painter. We are crossing the street and Steve sees a sign on a storefront, which reads “Om’Aha Healing Arts Center.” “Look Jarl!” he exclaims, “they spell it like you say it!” I look over and see the sign and a window full of Buddha heads and sacred images from the East. Ooh, this is my kind of place. I feel myself almost being pulled across the street as Steve says, "It's closed." I see a woman walk up to the door, someone on the inside unlocks it to let her in and then locks it again. I keep moving forward. I’ll just look in the window if nothing else. As I approach the door, the woman unlocks it again and says, “You look like you are on a mission to get in here!” “May I?” I ask. She smiles and tells me to come on in. Steve follows me in.

Beyond the small import section with sacred images, incense and candles, we find a wonderfully renovated space for tai chi, yoga and other events. Sandy Aquila, the owner and creator of the center and former “on tour” massage therapist for Sting, invites us to sit and enjoy one of the therapeutic tea blends at the world’s only Tibetan sand painting tea bar, painted on site by a group of Tibetan Monks from Drepung Gomang Monastery in Karnataka, India in honor of the opening of the center. They serve a variety of elixirs for wellbeing. We sit down. I feel so at home.

The Om Center is usually closed on Sundays except for an occasional private session or special event. Today, Sandy is hosting two acupuncturists from Florida. They are longtime friends of hers who have come for the weekend to offer facial acupuncture sessions. A woman emerges from the floor below, with a relaxed, fresh and peaceful aura about her. “Was the treatment good?” I ask. “Ahhhhh”, she answers, “it was heavenly.” The acupuncturist, Yvonne Woodson, who just performed her magic on this woman also emerges and slips behind the counter to prepare herself some tea. Sandy introduces us and we chat about her particular technique of acupuncture. Her partner, who is a Tibetan Lama and acupuncturist, soon joins us from one of the therapy rooms below. They both also happen to be tai chi teachers and Sandy mentions to them that I teach tai chi in Berkeley, California. Yvonne, looks up from her cup and says, “You don’t happen to know Tish Woodson, do you?” My mouth drops in amazement as I answer, “Tish has been a student of mine for at least 12 years.” Yvonne smiles and says, “She’s my former mother-in-law and the grandmother of my two children,” “Oh my gosh! I know of you!” I exclaim. Yvonne picks up her cell phone and says, “Let’s call Tish and surprise her.” She dials her number. “Hi Tish, how are you? I’m having tea with someone who wants to say hi to you.” She hands me the phone. “Hey Tish, it’s Jarl!” “Jarl? What are you doing with Yvonne?” We all have a good chuckle about the “coincidence”.

What are the chances of our meeting? Yvonne, who lives in Florida, has never been to Omaha. I have never been to Omaha, and here we are together in the Om Center drinking tea.

Five hours after walking through the door, Steve and I leave the Om Center and get on with our journey. Isn’t life a trip?

Byron Katie

Bryon Katie has a new book out with her husband Stephen Mitchell called, "A Thousand Names For Joy". In this book, she responds to excerpts from Mitchell's translation of the "Tao Te Ching" by Lao Tzu. She personalizes each of the concepts to such an extent that it brings a wonderfully refreshing and accessible perspective to these timeless gems of wisdom. Her approach to life is from a place of wholeness. Neither good and bad nor right and wrong exist for her. She sees everything as just right and the present moment as a beautiful gift. Even death is seen with understanding and as a natural part of the whole of existence.

Reading her new book brings chuckles out loud regarding subject matter that would otherwise seem too tragic to laugh about. I was relating one of her stories this morning to my tai chi class. As I mentioned, with a giggle, that as a result of occasional blindness from a degenerative eye disease, she falls down on the floor, one of my students says, “That’s not very nice to be laughing about!” “Oh, but that is just the point,” I said. She falls down and thinks, “Ah, I guess it’s time to rest.” She then proceeds to enjoy the feeling of the cool floor, the melodious sound of the phone ringing and the rhythm of the knock at the back door. She just doesn’t find a problem anywhere.

I had the delightful and truly awesome opportunity to meet and spend time with her, riding in a car, walking together and over lunch. She is beautiful beyond words. Doing her work over the past 12 years has made a phenomenal difference in my life, from thinking I had to create and control myself and others to allowing life to flow through me with a joyful witnessing and gratitude.

If you haven’t had the experience of seeing her in person or reading her books, make it a must-do. As Eckhart Tolle says, “Byron Katie’s Work is a great blessing for our planet. The root cause of suffering is identification with our thoughts, the ‘stories’ that are continuously running through our minds. Byron Katie’s Work acts like a razor-sharp sword that cuts through that illusion and enables you to know for yourself the timeless essence of your being. Joy, peace, and love emanate from it as your natural state.”

Find out when and where you can see her in action, or at least find and read her books. She has three books: "Loving What Is", "I Need Your Love, Is That True?", and "A Thousand Names For Joy". You can also check out her website: www.thework.com

Two Tales

Neil, a friend and former student of mine, and I were discussing the lesson of a Zen/Taoist tale. Neither of us could remember the actual tale but the lesson was that happiness/contentment/peace was to be found within. Neil, in trying to recall it, described it like this: A man is discontent with his life so he keeps moving to different places in search of peace, only to find he's never satisfied. The ending alludes to the fact that his problem would never be solved by where he goes, because the problems are inside of him and can only be solved by his own awakening to the Truth. That no matter how hard he looked outwardly, he would still only find what he was looking for, within. I was searching my brain for the actual tale, which I have failed so far, but in the search I recalled this one and another favorite story of mine on a similar but slightly different theme.

The first one is about a traveller who wanders into the outskirts of a town and upon seeing an old man sitting along side the road, approaches him and asks, "What are the people like in this town?" The old man answers with a question, "Tell me, what were they like in the town from whence you came?" "They were rude and unfriendly and I really didn't like it there!" the traveller answers. "Oh," says the old man, "I"m afraid that's what you will find here, too." So the traveller sits down with the old man along side the road to think about where to go next. After a short while, along comes another traveller who approaches the old man with the same question. Again the old man answers, "What were the people like in the town from whence you came?" "Oh," answers the second traveller, "they were wonderfully friendly people. "Ah," says the old man, "that's just what they are like here!"

The second tale is a story about a man who has fallen out of love with his wife and goes to the minister of his church to ask for advice on what to do with his situation. He tells the minister that he no longer loves his wife and is suffering so because he doesn’t want to break up his family and yet since he doesn’t love her anymore, the only thing he can think of to do is divorce her.

“Oh,” says the minister, “the thing to do to solve the problem is to love her!” “But, that’s just it,” says the husband, “I don’t”. “Yes,” says the minister, “I know, that’s the problem. You don’t love her. You must love her to solve the problem.” The husband doesn’t understand. The minister explains, “You think love is a noun, something you find or fall into. But love is a verb. It is something you give or extend to another. If you start to extend love to her, you will begin to feel love for her again. What you give is what you feel. You started out loving her and so you felt love. If you want to solve your problem, go and give her love."

I remember the “aha” I experienced when I first heard that story. Love feels automatic at first as if we just “fall” into it. A little later, the ego steps in and starts to judge whether this person is worthy of our love. We begin to judge everything they do because we are projecting our own lack of self-love on the other. In Truth, there is nothing but love. Love is what we are. An enlightened being sees only the beloved in whomever they look upon. It is only the ego choosing to exclude. Of course, we have our personal preferences in terms of who shares our values and interests, but love, in the true sense of the word, does not leave a soul out.

Think of how wonderful we would all feel if we never stopped loving, if we just changed the nature of our relationships when they no longer fit our values or interests, but kept on loving and honoring the other. We all grow and change and sometimes in very different ways. Sometimes it is necessary to reactivate the love and renew the relationship. Sometimes it is necessary to let go of a relationship as it is, but keep the love.

The Deadly Comfort Zone

We are so addicted to our comfort zones. Rare is the person who has the courage to live their potential and express his or her innate or cultivated gifts. As it says in the Gospel of Thomas, “That which is within us and expressed will set us free. That which is within us and not expressed will eat us inside.” If we don’t express our gifts, they will wither. We lose what we don’t use.

We are so much greater than we think we are. We have unlimited support that we rarely tap into. We settle for so much less than we have available to us. We shortchange ourselves, and our creator by not living as expanded as we can, all in the name of comfort and fear of stepping out of that zone. Unfortunately, what we call the comfort zone is the zone that will eat us inside.

I know, all too well, that zone that can eat us inside. I also know the feeling of stepping out of the zone, the fear as well as the exhilaration of doing so. That comfort zone feels pretty good for a while, especially if life has been challenging. Yet, it never stays comfortable. The urge to grow and evolve is a pull from a force much larger than our mini-me self. If we resist that pull we experience the wrath of that force. Our creator does not want to be held back from expanding us into who we are meant to be. Our bodies, our minds, our emotions all speak out when we ignore our inner urge to fly.

If we pay attention to what we desire, to what our hearts ache for, we get a clue to what we are here for. We all know deep within us what that is, but most of us are so distracted from that place of knowing that we spend our lives just getting by. Imagine living your life feeling as if everything you do is just what you want to be doing. Imagine a world where everyone is doing just what we want. Why would we live any differently? Why are so many of us living lives of drudgery? I believe it is because we are afraid to step up to the plate and swing. We are conditioned to believe that we are unworthy, too young, too old, not smart enough…the list goes on and on. But it’s not true! We are all worthy or we wouldn’t be here. Our dreams want us as much as we want them.

I believe all disorders whether physical, emotional or mental stem from the withering of potential, our dreams unlived. Our bodies try to tell us, our emotions try to tell us, but we often fail to listen. Imagine if we spent our time, moment by moment, listening to our hearts and, coming from integrity, acted on what our hearts were calling for. We are all ONE expressing, as leaves on a tree express their individual selves. Just as the leaves are part of the same tree, dependent on the force of the tree for their lives, we are all dependent on the same force, which animates our lives. Why would a force, which animates us, not want to be expressed fully? When we allow the force to move through us expressing, we experience enormous power and flow. It’s not in our strategies and manipulations that we find our way, but in our surrender, allowing the Divine Force to do its thing!

IT’S ALL GOOD!

Whatever is going on in our lives is exactly what’s suppose to be going on in our lives, exactly as it is going on. If it is something we don’t like, we may complain and feel victimized or get angry and lash out. That rarely does anyone any good. There is no alternate reality from which the current one has deviated. This is it, baby, like it or not. This may sound harsh, insensitive and even fatalistic, but the truth is, if you wish to accept the challenge and gift the present has to offer, it’s incredibly empowering. Far from being “mission impossible” as some of our challenges may seem, what we are given is just what is in the way of our next leap in personal growth or personal evolution. Were these challenges not arising at this time, we would not have the opportunity to overcome and step up to our new level of being.

A friend of mine was expressing her resentment at her sister for “dumping” a responsibility on her that she felt belonged to her sister. She was angry because her sister was lollygagging around the world unconcerned and in avoidance of a situation she had indirectly created. As I listened to her tell her story, it was so very obvious to me that the situation was just as it should be. I could see that my friend would do a much better job of the task at hand. After hearing a little history, it was clear that the sister, although doing the best she could do at the time, had made a pretty big mess out of things as they were. My friend, in a moment of clarity, had actually volunteered to step in and help out in the situation. It was working out well, although she was resenting it. I told her that the only thing that was out of order was her feelings of resentment. “The situation is working fine, you volunteered and are enjoying handling it, and all is well right now. Your resentment will be felt subconsciously if not consciously and that will have a negative affect. Let go of thinking it should be other than it is, be grateful for the opportunity to help, and recognize when you’ve done all you can do then release yourself.” I said. She took my words to heart and realized she was causing her own suffering and decided to let it go. She called later and told me a big weight had been lifted off her shoulders. The weight wasn’t the responsibility; it was her resentment of it.

When I notice an uncomfortable pattern showing up in my life, I know it is time to work on “that one”. Something that is “up” for me right now is my “issue” of not feeling listened to or seen. My parents were both on the slightly unhealthy side of the narcissism continuum and were quite a bit more interested in what they had to say or with what they were feeling or doing than with anything that may have been going on in my life or mind. As a matter of fact, they knew very little about what was really going on in my life. (I must say, I liked that just a little bit. But, it didn’t do much for my feeling “seen and heard”). I have to give them credit here for not pushing their agenda on me as some parents do. I was just fine as far as they were concerned. They wanted me to be happy and gave me much freedom in choosing my path. It’s just that they weren’t all that interested in my path because they were so caught up in their own. I remember times when I would be talking with my dad and he would break into the middle of my sentence and begin his as if I hadn’t even been speaking. Or my mom, when I told her I was hired as dance instructor after having danced my whole life and assisted teaching tai chi on TV said, “Oh, will they accept just anyone?” Whew! Where had she been? Certainly not paying attention to my life.

A few days ago I asked one of my tai chi classes of nearly 20 people to read my most recent blog. I told them it was an interesting story of a former student of mine whom they all knew. They cried out “no, tell us now, we don’t want to have to read your blog, we don’t have time.” I know that nothing is ever to be taken personally, but I must admit, my feelings were hurt. They didn’t want to check out my blog? At first my thoughts ran something like this: “cikerifmmfked, what am I doing with this group who couldn’t care less about something I am so enjoying doing and doing partly for them.” Then I remembered. They are my teachers pointing out something I need to look at. And then the “Aha, I’ve felt this feeling before” came. My thoughts turned to gratitude and I saw them through different eyes. Instead of blaming them for the way I felt and nursing my wounds, I came home from class and wrote in my journal about how I would like people to relate to me. I have learned to focus on what I want in situations like these rather than on how hurt I feel. I let go of any negative feelings and opened up to feelings of empowerment. I get to choose what I want in life and affirm it. Having, first become consciously aware of my feelings and then, asked, I now expect to see people showing up in my life more in alignment with what I want rather then what I’ve been condition to expect. It’s all good and just perfect!

What do I do with these thoughts, pretend they don't exist?

Valencia asks: I have been practicing positive thinking and exploring opportunities for change and have been doing better with giving up control and having faith that the universe will provide. However, today I realized that although I am making progress I feel in danger of failing because of the negative thoughts about financial disaster that are beginning to haunt me. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do. Pretend these thoughts don't exist? Put more time into meditation?

Jarl Says: It is great that you are in this place because it is an opportunity for you to explore feelings that have surfaced which are in the way of you having what you desire. These fear feelings have to be acknowledged and seen for what they truly are, the ego trying to keep you identified with it. When you see these feelings for what they are and choose to cultivate thoughts that are in alignment with what you really desire, you come into alignment with your Authentic Self. That Self is always in peace and in joy. Please don't cultivate the worry thoughts, it never ever does any good, it only reinforces your subconscious mind to keep creating situations to bring you more fear.

I came across the Japanese word for fear, "osore", in an article written by Yasuhiko Genku Kimura, the founder of Vision In Action. He says, "Osore signifies the misalignment of the self of the individual with the Self of the universe. "O" denotes the sacred thread that connects one’s soul with the Oversoul of the universe, while "sore" denotes the state of disconnection or dislocation from and misalignment with that sacred thread. Osore therefore signifies the errant mode of being wherein one’s soul has gone astray, having lost the original connection and alignment with the Oversoul of the universe."

That really says it! Just know that when you are feeling fearful, you are out of alignment with the sacred thread that supports your every move whether you are aware of it or not. We (the egoic part of us identified with our conditioning who thinks we are separate from others) are truly not the doers! We are being done through. The ego just loves to narrate everything and say it is doing it. Years ago, I had the opportunity to consciously experiment with what it would be like if I dropped all notions of what I "should" be doing and see what it would be like to actually live as if I were not the doer. I consciously stopped "doing" my life. I mean really from moment to moment just watched what I was "moved" to do, no plans, other than the prior commitments like classes, no strategies, just letting myself be moved by whatever moves me. I started out just sitting until something moved me. Within no time, I had to get up and pee, so I did. Then the phone rang and someone asked me to come over and do something. So I did. Then it was time to go. I got in the car and just watched where I was, in the moment, moved to turn...I can't tell you how busy I became just doing what I was moved to do. That is when my design business started. I had no plan for that or even any idea or notion of it. It just happened and keeps going without my doing anything other than what I'm asked to do or moved to do, in the moment. And life is doing me in the way that is in alignment with my inner nature. I'm doing everything right now that I love to do. Nothing more. My weekly "obligations" are completely in alignment with what I love to do. I say yes to something if it feels right to me, and no to what doesn't feel right. I keep my word easily that way. Because, what I'm doing is what I want to be doing, I feel like a "time millionaire". My work and play are all the same.

The key is: trust in the moment which always has all the information you need, follow your hearts desire, and keep those fear thoughts in check. Tell them, "thanks for sharing, Bubeye!"

The Magic of Intention & Happy Birthday, Beth

A few weeks ago I was talking with my dear friend David at a small breakfast party when he mentioned that his wife, Beth had a birthday coming up and he was looking for gift ideas. I've known David for many years and this gift search is a subject which surfaces regularly as a major concern of his. He has, at least once, put it out to our entire tai chi class to solve.

A few days after our breakfast party, my French friend, Marie-Christine, who does this wonderfully relaxing work called "Qi Facial Rejuvenation" was visiting and we were discussing ideas for changes in her brochure. David and Beth came to mind. I thought, Beth might really enjoy this work. I emailed David with Marie-Christine's phone number and a brief discription of her work.

David then called Marie-Christine and asked for a brochure so he had something to actually give to Beth on her birthday. She told him to get a brochure from me, since she had left her brochures at my house for me to play around with. David then called me asking for a brochure, but I didn't hear the message until the next day, so I didn't return his call. When I finally heard the message, I emailed him that I was not having success with my remake of her brochure and didn't really have anything to give him. David didn't see that message and said he had planned on coming to my tai chi class in the morning to pick up the brochure from me. As circumstances had it around his home that morning, he wasn't able to come to the class and it would have been to no avail as I didn't have a brochure anyway. At this point, (which was yesterday) it's the day before Beth's birthday, he's seen my email, has no brochure, and is really wondering what to do.

At around 4pm I receive a phone call from Marie-Christine telling me she has a story for me but she's driving and will call me later. At 6 pm, I receive a phone call from David. "Hey Jarl," he says, "I have a great story for you!

Here's the story now, having heard it from both of them:

Yesterday morning Marie-Christine has the idea to pick up my favorite bread, walnut/cranberry from Acme bakery, drop it by my house and check on the brochures before she heads back across the bay to Marin. She looks in the phone book and sees there is an Acme bakery closer to my house than the one she usually goes to, so she decides to go to that one. She's driving around looking for this bakery and sees a small group of people standing together on this obscure street where she has never been. She stops her car, gets out and asks if anyone knows where the Acme bakery is. Hearing a French accent, David, who is there working on a project, steps foward and says, "By any chance, is your name Marie-Christine?" "Yes," she answers. "I'm David" he says, "the David who has been trying to get your brochure for my wife's present!" They stand there stunned at the amazing syncronicity. Marie-Christine happens to have one brochure in her car which she then hand delivers to David.

How's that for the magic of intention!
Good job, David!
Happy Birthday, Beth!

What can I do?

Imagine if our leaders based all their decisions on the teachings of Lao-Tsu, Buddha, or the real teachings of Jesus Christ. It seems our world leaders are not aware of the true spiritual principles and universal laws which govern our lives. I know the difference self-inquiry and living in alignment with universal laws and principles has had on the quality of my life. What if our leaders actually led from that wisdom.

Now when I ask myself what I can do, I realize I can work on becoming more consciously aware of my own projections and radiance. I can remember that what I sow, I reap, not only for myself in my own life, but also for the entire world. I can visualize myself in alignment with Truth. I can act from the place of conscious response rather than unconscious reactivity.

I feel an empowering paradigm shift, in my life when I take responsibility for my own thoughts, words and actions. They return to me in like-kind and create my experience in every moment. We can each make a contribution to that paradigm shift and change the world one person at a time by vigilant and conscious awareness of the quality of thoughts we cultivate, the quality of the words we speak, the quality of our intentions and the quality of our actions. As I experience the difference in my life when I live these principles, I know this difference extends out into the world, one moment at a time.

Ego versus True Self

Valencia: I think my ego is telling me that I shouldn't even bother to create anything that isn't original and genius. Why do I have so much invested in being a genius? Why can't I just be who I am and enjoy that? Sometimes I am a genius, sometimes I am a fool. That's the truth of it. My ego seems to be telling me I am never good enough, never good enough, never good enough. That belief drains me and stops me from doing things that will refresh my soul so it's a vicious cycle. I think my ego has had too much power and has been sucking my energy badly for years. It's just a matter of balance I think...I need to find a healthier balance of power with my ego.
Can I stop thinking that I need to do something bigger and more profound? I can hear you say, just let that go?. I would like to. You know, I think my ego has been zapping my energy and making my soul sick!

Jarlsays: As far as your ego goes, there is no healthy balance, YOU ARE THE MASTER OF YOUR EGO AND THAT'S THAT. There can't be balance. That's like saying you need to balance out the power structure between you and your dog. You are the boss! The ego is your servant. Tell it so. The ego wants to control and will go to any lengths to stay in control. It usually resorts to scaring and shaming you. Not because it's bad, that's just it's nature. The ego is right about one thing: when you are identified with it, you are not a genius. YOU have to tell it how to behave. No deals. Just kick it's ass into shape. Tell it "thanks for sharing, now go to sleep while I handle this with the big guns" Then ask your True Self to send you genius ideas and create from that place.

We are all geniuses in truth because we are all connected to Divine Intelligence and that's where genius comes from. The only true genius is Divinely Inspired. I turn everything over to the Big Kahuna before I create anything. I can never create anything cool from my little self. As soon as the ego steps in, I get stupid. When you know you are not the creator, that the creation is just coming through you, it takes all the pressure off and you are just totally grateful and graceful, neither ego tripping nor ego identified. The ego is a very uncreative little twit, although clever. Any great master will say they were just the channel for the work to come through. Keep turning it over to your True Self and watch the difference.

The ego is really a much happier camper when you keep it under control. Just like a kid needs to know the boundaries....so does the ego. That's what the whole "surrender" idea is all about. It's surrendering the ego (small self) to the True Self. The ego thinks it knows everything, but is fearful. That's how you know you are in it's grips. The True Self experience is when you feel joy, gratitude, love and trust. It takes practice to stay in the experience of the True Self. It's a continual surrendering and feels weird at first. But, I swear to you, it is far more fabulous to live a surrendered life than the fearful, small life of the mini me.
Ok girlfriend? Love you, Jarl

Truth = What Is

Whatever is occurring in physical manifestation at any moment is “What is”. The way that we perceive and interpret what is occurring is what creates our experience of life. This unique spin is formulated by our conditioning. Our conditioning comes from the way our parents, teachers, and other authorities reacted to and taught us about life experiences. Their stories came from their parental and authority influences and so on…Many other factors may also contribute to the creation of our conditioning but the important point to realize is that we see through the filter of this conditioning and add our unique combination of interpretations to everything that happens in our lives. No matter how popular or accepted our point of view may be, it is still only our spin. To quote Shakespeare, “There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so.”

We live in a self-created illusion, a story we tell ourselves and believe with all our hearts. This is what creates our suffering. It also gives us meaning, but we become slaves to this meaning. We hate in the name of our stories. We kill to uphold our stories. Our stories cause sickness and depression. Whichever way we see or spin "what is", whether we designate it good or bad, we are being manipulated and driven by our fears of losing or not getting our “cravings and aversions’, as the Buddha said. The degree to which we are attached to our stories is the extent to which we are not free. Dropping our stories can seem impossible or frightening. What would happen to us if we had no story? Would we still exist?

One way to begin to see through these filters of conditioning is to put our beliefs through an inquiry. A powerful inquiry which Byron Katie teaches in four questions, goes like this: 1) Is it true? 2) Can I absolutely know that it is true? 3) How do I react when I think that thought? 4) Who would I be without the thought? Eckhart Tolle says these questions of Byron Katie’s… “acts like a razor sharp sword that cuts through that illusion and enables you to know for yourself the timeless essence of your being. Joy, peace, and love emanate from it as your natural state.”

Imagine being free from the illusion and being in a state of joy, peace and love. Byron Katie says the only beliefs which we need to inquire about are the ones that cause us suffering. After doing her work for over ten years, I can attest to the fact that there IS something much greater than our stories and our beliefs. Our stories become increasingly boring and limiting as we begin to become free of them. After all, whose story do you want to live, the limited version of your conditioning which came from other’s beliefs around you or the expansive timeless essence of your being in your natural state, in which “joy, peace, and love emanate”? I’ll take the latter!

Thoughts Are Things

Thoughts are things. We create the quality of our lives by the thoughts we entertain, whether consciously or not. We don't create our thoughts, they just arise as possibilities in the cosmos which we then attract by our energetic vibration and cultivate into our life experience. Just like people passing us on the street, some look interesting and some do not. For example, a drug addict may look very interesting to another drug addict who is experiencing similar needs, perhaps a fix. Whereas, a mother with a child may be repelled by this same person. A math professor engrossed in solving a problem may not even notice the drug addict.

We are all in our own, self-created worlds. These worlds may interconnect with one another on many levels, but nevertheless be radically different, experientially. When we become conscious of this, we can begin to create our lives in alignment with our desires and eliminate unpleasant aspects which we are creating from our conditioned minds.

What power and freedom we actually have! Unfortunately, it is common in those of us who experience unpleasant situations to reject the notion that we are the creators of our circumstances. It's understandable that we are reluctant to admit we have done these unpleasant things to ourselves. So we project outward onto someone or something else and say they did it to us. Maybe we say God did it to us. This gives all our power away and leaves us feeling like a victim. Whether it is a physical illness, an emotional struggle, or even a war between countries, we are creating our experience of it. Notice I did not say creating IT. I am saying we are creating our EXPERIENCE of it.

Life happens! It is very important to not get stuck in the guilt trap, which is probably why anyone would reject this idea in the first place. It's how we interpret, spin, and deal with what happens that creates our experience of life. This is quite clear when we see someone who "has it all" and is miserable, or vice versa. I know people who are experiencing life-threatening illnesses who spend little time talking about it, are vibrant and inspired by the challenge of the "project". I know others who verbalize every ache or pain they experience and look beat down and victimized by their own incessant "verbage".

We're all just creating our own experience of what's happening. Those of us who moan and groan do so because we're not conscious of the negative effect it's having on us. When we become conscious and realize, without guilt, just what this behavior is doing to us, we have a choice! And what is really cool, is that we can change our experience and make it one that feels good!

Imagine a world in which every one of us is taking radical responsibility for our own happiness and well-being and turning each experience into a joyful one of love and gratitude. That would surely put an end to war and bring about world peace. Let's do it!

What You Focus On Expands and What You Resist, Persists

As the song goes, "you gotta accen...tuate the positive, elim...minate the negative and latch on...to the affirmative, don't mess with Mr. Inbetween."

Life cycles in a spiraling, wave-like fashion toward evolution. Our consciousness follows this same pattern of cyclical, spiraling waves. Some of us resist the pull toward evolution and some of us move consciously and with ease toward the pull. However we move forward emotionally, we all experience the wave-like ups and downs or lows and highs of our cycles. Depending on our habits of focus, we create and live in a particular emotional range, the character of which determines the quality of our lives.

If we pay attention to our thoughts and emotions, we quickly notice which part of the "wave" we are in at any given moment. If we habitually give attention to the negative or lower aspects of our cycles, then our emotional environment will spiral toward the lower ranges such as suffering and depression. If we maintain positive habits of thought, our cycle will spiral toward the higher ranges of happiness and well-being. In other words, if we live our lives focusing on the positive and transforming negatives into useful information, then we tend to spiral upward into higher consciousness. I say higher because positive focus leads to expansion of consciousness whereas negative focus leads to a contraction of consciousness, a pulling backward.

This brings me to a second principle: what we resist, persists. If we are resisting, we are focusing on the negative. We are thinking something is not right, it should be different. This is being at war with conditions or circumstances as they are. This resistance focuses attention on something and therefore feeds it. As long as we nourish the situation it will continue. Forward movement toward evolution is slowed down by our anchor of attention on the negative. Ironically, we perpetuate the very condition we dislike. This leaves us operating in an unpleasant reality and results in limiting the expansion of awareness. This does not mean we passively stick our heads in the sand and do nothing. It means we turn our focus to what we want to see rather than what we are currently seeing and disliking.

There are over 6 billion people living and experiencing their own versions of reality based on their habits of focus. We all have a choice to choose a particular spin on what we are seeing at any given moment. If we are conscious enough, we can notice the nature of our focus and ask ourselves if it produces feelings we would like to expand upon. For instance, if someone says to me, "I really like what you wore yesterday", I may hear that and react in dramatically different ways, depending on how I'm feeling. I may spin it as a compliment and be pleased or, if I'm in a lower part of the cycle, I may think they must not like what I'm wearing today. If I observe that I took it positively, I can then acknowledge I'm in a positive part of the cycle and just let it be, or enhance my position to consciously feel gratitude. If I notice I took it negatively, I can note that I am most likely in the negative or lower part of the cycle. As I become aware of this, I can consciously spin the comment toward the positive without reacting. This will send me on an upward spiral in my cycling and create a pleasant and satisfying emotional environment. We can consciously choose the way in which we focus our attention at any given moment. As a result, we can create a quality of life full of well-being and immense gratitude. This is the essence of free will.

Desire

Desire has gotten a bad rap in some spiritual and religious traditions. Renunciation and asceticism are held in high regard in many Eastern and some Western schools of thought. In my opinion, this perspective misses the mark. I see desire as a pull toward evolution from the Higher Self. The problem comes when the ego attaches itself and filters the desire to put it’s own spin on it. It is this spin that sometimes takes us down roads that are not for the highest purpose or well being of all involved. The ego, which is our personality or separate sense of self, is made up of our perception of all of the experiences we have had since birth. These perceptions have been influenced by our parent's and other authority figure's perceptions. Their perceptions have been influenced by their parents.....and on it goes.

When a desire is felt, the mind attaches an object or action of fulfillment to it. Right thinking and right action suggest that we take a look to see if that object or action is in alignment with truth. We must ask: Is it for the highest purpose of all involved as far as I can know? Will the fulfillment harm anyone, physically or emotionally? Does the fulfillment or action come from integrity? Can I be truthful? If the answer is not a resounding and unconditional yes, it is probably not the path to pursue. On the other hand, if our desires and their fulfillment are in alignment with truth, we are probably coming from a place grounded in alignment with our Higher Selves.

To stay in peace, harmony and joy, we must learn to surrender our desires when we know the outcome would not bring fulfillment and joy for all, or we may suffer the consequence of bringing pain on ourselves and others. When we find our desire is out of alignment with our Higher Selves, for instance, we know or suspect it will cause suffering in ourselves or others, and we still feel a craving desire for that which is out of alignment, it is time to surrender the fulfillment of the desire to our Higher Selves. We can ask our Higher Selves to fulfill in us, our desire in such a way as to bring satisfaction, and peace and harmony for all. This means letting go of the desired results showing up or looking the way we think they should and trusting that the Higher Self has something better in mind.

When I was married, my desire to keep my marriage and family together, in spite of resistance from my husband, was so strong that I was willing to try and keep it together at all costs. As a result of my early childhood experiences growing up in a "broken home", I was ignoring the emotional and mental costs that staying together were actually accruing. When I finally realized that I was ignoring all the destructive signs, I let go. I let go and asked the Universe to bring us into our "right" relationship. What followed when I finally let go and trusted the Universe, truly amazed me. My life went into an effortless flow of events that I personally could have never imagined, created or arranged. It has continued on ever since bringing my life into alignment with my deepest desires. I found out that I didn't have to give up my relationship with my daughter's father, it just needed changing. We are both in relationships which are far more suited to our individual natures, much happier and all friends.

Our Higher Self is available and as close to us as our very breath. When we tune in to our breath and sincerely ask to be brought into alignment with our Highest Purpose toward evolution and deeper fulfillment, our answer comes in the speed relative to the sincerity of our surrender. For every desire, we can ask for the fulfillment to come about for the highest purpose of all involved. When we are living our lives in alignment with Truth or our True Selves, life becomes an effortless, joyful and miraculous ride.

Surrender

We live our lives based in fear. We are exploited and controlled because of and by this fear. Why is this? It all stems from the illusion that we are the drivers in this vehicle we inhabit and through which we experience the world of manifestation. Somewhere deep within, we know that we don’t have all the information at our disposal to make the decisions necessary to live our lives based on our true desires. At least that is what the little mind thinks and it is quite accurate. This keeps us feeling unsettled and uneasy about our future, which we feel we must design or prepare for. But the Truth is, we do have all the information at our disposal, just not from the part of our consciousness through which we normally see the world and use for all our strategizing.

One day I was driving in my car (literally) and I heard a voice inside my head say, “If you will just let go and let me handle everything, I will do such a better job you will be absolutely amazed.” Well, I was already pretty amazed just to hear that voice let alone the promise, so I decided to actually try it. At this point in time, I was already familiar with the concept of surrender. I had been to the brink once before when I had no other choice than to throw my hands up in the air, absolutely lost to solutions regarding what felt like the most important aspect of my life. The result was an almost immediate movement from desperation to a sense of effortless flow. I couldn’t believe what was happening. Solutions I would never have thought of were not only appearing in my realm of consciousness, but I was effortlessly moving on them as if a power larger than me was carrying me fearlessly along. I was in flow. This lasted for a few months when I slipped back into my strategies and began life as usual again. Then about two years later I heard the voice while driving, for no apparent reason. I decided to listen and bow to the invitation of surrender again, this time from a place of conscious choice rather than desperation. What followed was an ever-increasing sense of wonder and awe and a deeper alignment with my true purpose and joy.

Surrender is a concept, which is not held favorably by the ego and for good reason. Fortunately we have two selves. The True Self, which we are born as, and the egoic self made up and conditioned by our perceived experiences. The egoic self is very necessary as it is from this separated sense of self that we are able to realize the True Self. It is as if we need to go out and look back to see whom we are. The problem is that we get caught out there in the illusion. The ego does whatever it can to keep us caught in order to stay in charge. But we are far more than the mini me we feel ourselves to be.

From the conditioned point of view we don’t see the big picture. At any moment in time we are looking at just a small piece of the painting. We may be looking at an ugly black glob. Or we may see a beautiful golden streak. What we see affects us depending on our past conditioning. Some of us have such an unpleasant experience in the separated identification that a spontaneous awakening to Truth occurs out of sheer despair. Some of us have glimpses of Truth and the curiosity pulls or drives us to realization. Some of us exist stubbornly in the delusion despite hints pointing otherwise. And then some of us are just asleep and never question. When we come into conscious awareness that we are seeing and reacting to only a limited point of view, we can loosen our grip on the story we are telling ourselves.

Surrender is the way to realization of the true master within. The true master awaits the invitation. The invitation is the surrender. It is in surrender that the struggle ends and joy begins. When we come into conscious awareness and surrender to the True Self whose view is complete, we experience an effortless alignment with our desires, and trust in the process of life unfolding perfectly as it should. We can then relax in knowing we are completely safe and enjoy the glorious ride.

Radical Responsibility

Radical responsibility is not just taking responsibility for what you say or do, but for anything and everything that comes into the field of your awareness. You are responsible for anything you see or hear in your life, including the war, terrorism, politicians, sickness (in yourself and in others), poverty, hunger, etc...What a concept! This brings meaning to the adage: "You are not in the world, the world is you."

I had just begun to have glimpses of this truth when I came upon an article written by Joe Vitale. He tells the story about a psychologist who, using the ancient Hawaiian spiritual practice of cleansing called Ho'oponopono, cured an entire ward of very difficult and criminally insane inmates at a state hospital. He did this by looking at their charts and then cleansing himself using four sentences:

I'm sorry. Forgive me. Thank you. I love you.

He never actually saw any one of the inmates face to face. He was so successful that the ward was closed.

I have been using this technique in my life for everything that causes me even the least bit of suffering. The results are remarkable!